FrattingHard.com

Our staff receives several questions each day from confused fratlings who do not seem to know the difference between a solid-colored polo and a muscle shirt. About once a month, we will post a few questions of interest. Submit all inquiries to frathard@gmail.com so we can enhance your Fratological studies.

Q1: It appears that there are many different types of GDI, so which one am I supposed to hate the most?

A1: There are many types of GDI’s, but the worst are those that try to douche hard and are the complete opposite of frat.  We’re talking about the Ed Hardy muscle shirt wearing, spiked hair, orange spray tanned, steroid taking douchebag that thinks any female would do anything to be with them.  These are the worst of all the GDI’s.  While the hippies, nerds, etc. are a problem, our main threat is the previously mentioned king of douchebaggery and the one that the frat community must defeat.

Q2: Any guidance for what style/brand of bag to buy for carrying a laptop and a book or two?

A2: Undergrads should go with a North Face, Mountain Hard Wear, or other fratty brand laptop backpack.  Post-Grad fratters should purchase a high-quality, leather, one strap laptop bag.  As long as what you are carrying does not look like a man purse, then you should be fine.

Q3: Is NASCAR or any other types of automobile racing fratty?

A3: Automotive racing is no longer fratty if it ever was.  NASCAR reeks of poor and douchebaggery.  However, this does not mean that you are unable to get a bunch of fratdaddies together and head to a NASCAR race once every couple of years to get drunktaneous while enjoying a free comedy show.  But note that you should not be watching the sport on a regular basis.  Other forms of racing are not fratty at all as they are below the douchebag level of NASCAR.

Q4: What fratty suggestions do you have for the summer when you’re away from the fratcastle?

A4: Do all of the fratty things that are generally precluded to you during the school year.  For example, take a fracation with some fraternity brothers and sorostitutes to a beach or lake, play copious amounts golf, get a fratty internship at a relative’s company (which should help with post-grad fratting opportunities), organize a summer fraternity party, and shack with plan A’s that do not attend your university.  There are lots of options, but again, it is best to take advantage of the ones not present during the school year.

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The 2-Seeds cruised past the first round with the exception of Kool-Aid, which was defeated by Taco Bell before 10:00 P.M. The 3′s vs. 6′s involve some extreme douchebaggery so lets see what prevails.

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All of the 1-Seeds, Muscle Shirt, Mike’s Hard Lemonade, Techno Rave, and Spray Tan, douched their way to easy victories.  Now it is time to see if the 2-Seeds can do the same.

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Depledge (verb) – the decision made by a pledge to terminate their pledgeship before being initiated into a fraternity or sorority

Ex:  I am so sick of being hazed and hungover, so I am going to depledge and join an intramural ultimate frisbee team.

Popularity: unranked [?]

With Hazing as the new king of the Frat World, it is now time to determine the new king of the Warcraft World.  The field of douchebaggery has been set and the 1-Seeds and 8-Seeds are ready to battle for all the hair gel.  As a reminder, the point of the tournament is to a.) make fun of douchebag GDI’s, and b.) determine what is the true antithesis of frat so we can work 365 days a year to defeat its drain on our society.  With that said, vote for what is the most douchebaggish.

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HAZING is the 2009 Frat Madness Champion, ending the undefeated run that Costas & Croakies has put together for three years.  Amazingly, with over 1,000 votes cast, only one vote separated the two fratty competitors at the close of the game.  There is much more to come from the tournament, including a post game news conference that will be held shortly.  Also, the first games of the Douchebag Invitational Tournament are scheduled to tipoff later today.

Popularity: unranked [?]

This is the second part in a series that first examined the fratability of the Nintendo Wii.  Today, we will analyze the fratability of the Xbox 360 and the Playstation 3.  Both video game systems are paired together since there is virtually no difference between the two.  Even most, especially the fratty, games are available for both systems.

Let us begin by reiterating that video games as a whole are inherently unfratty.  However, some of them can be entertaining and are acceptable in the right fratmosphere.  The basic rule of thumb is this:  if the box says EA Sports, then you can play (in most situations).

The two games that would be considered the frattiest are NCAA Football and Tiger Woods*.  There is nothing like skipping class on a rainy afternoon, throwing in a pinch of Skoal Mint (while spitting in a beer bottle or on pledges) and leading your university to glory over your arch rival in NCAA Football.

As a side note, in a game against a fellow fratdaddy, each of you can recruit pledges for cheerleaders.  It is quite humorous to hear pledges come up with creative cheers and taunts against your fraternity brother as you march down the field and dive into the endzone.  In addition to the humor from the cheering, naturally, your opponent will be upset and take out their frustration on the pledges.  It ends up being a win-win situation.

Additionally, Tiger Woods can provide for a fratty afternoon in the right fratmosphere.  There is nothing like making a gentlemanly wager with a fellow fraternity brother and watching your frattab for the night increase as he puts it in the water on #17 at the TPC Sawgrass.

Other EA Sports game are not quite as fratty, or are not fratty at all.  The tatted-up Denver Nuggets and the rest of the NBA are the opposite of frat.  Thus, you should not own NBA Live.  Madden is okay and is close to NCAA Football, but college ball outweighs the pros.  FIFA, NASCAR, NHL, and the rest can go either way.  Owning these games are not really frat, but owning one does not mean you should go inactive and rush Gamma Delta Iota.

Again, stick to only sports games.  Other games, such as Halo 3, are for pale, pimple-faced GDI’s who have never touched a boobie.  Also, video game playing should only occur during afternoons of inclement weather.  Only douches play video games when they could be playing real golf, getting some afternoon delight with a sorostitute, or frattabbing at the bar.  In conclusion, owning a 360 or PS3 with NCAA and Tiger is acceptable in the frat world for that rare afternoon when their is nothing frattier to accomplish.

* Tiger Woods for the Nintendo Wii will also suffice.

Popularity: unranked [?]