FrattingHard.com

Thank the Frat Lord, college football finally kicks off tomorrow.  Since the SEC won the poll, here is your preview of the SEC East.  We decided to divide the preview into two parts because of the length.  The preview of the SEC West will be posted either tonight or at some point before tomorrow night.  Please do not comment about how we are stupid because we picked Vanderbilt to finish 6th, stated that Georgia choked last season, said the Ole’ Ball Coach has lost his winning ways, etc.  Everyone has their own opinion.  This is our unbiased, but funny and cruel, opinion based on the wealth of SEC knowledge that we have.  Here is the following short and sweet preview and predictions for the SEC East.

1.)  Florida – Go Gator!  If we were to pick any other team to win the SEC East, then Timothy Tebow would have us sentenced to hell for eternity.  Florida returns everybody but “Percy Harvey” off of last year’s championship team, notwithstanding any recent convictions that have alluded our radar.  As long as Tebow is healthy, which he will be since he has healing powers, then Florida will cruise to a 3rd BCS title in four years.
 

 
2.)  Georgia – How ’bout them dawgs?  How ’bout Mark Richt & company blacking out and choking big time last year fall?  The expectations are a touch lower in Athens this fall, especially after Stafford conned the Lions into giving him $41.7 million guaranteed and Knowshown “Cranked Dat” way to Denver.  Joe Cox will now lead the Dawgs, which should have a better offensive and defensive line than last season.  However, did we mention that Joe Cox will now lead the Dawgs?  A.J. Green with no Stafford or Moreno means the expectations are probably correct this year, a 2nd place finish in the East and another Capital One Bowl appearance.  We imagine that this kid is going to be disappointed at the Cocktail Party this year:
 

 
3.)  Tennessee – Deciding between who would finish 3rd or 4th in the East is like choosing which Plan C is better to take back to the Frat Castle.  Does it really matter?  No, it does not.  Last season was a Rocky Top Flop for the Vols.  Currently, they are now coached by a teenager with the mentality of a toddler.  It seems like a matter of time until this lunatic has the NCAA knocking down his door in Knoxville over major violations, not just the 387 secondary violations that he managed to rack up this past offseason.  Until that time comes, the Vols have recruited well enough and have enough talent to win about five to seven football games this fall, which will be good enough to finish 3rd in the East. Now, here is that idiot we mentioned earlier:
 

 
4.)  South Carolina – Do you remember with the Ole’ Ball Coach was considered one of the best in America?  You probably don’t because that was nearly 20 years ago at another institution.  Now, the coach is acting like he should be in an institution, especially after that cowardly press conference at SEC Media Days concerning the Tim Tebow 1st Team All-SEC concensus vote debacle.  There were a couple of steals this past year in recruiting, but it will not be enough, because South Carolina will be average as always.  After all, their QB can’t even run over an SEC official:

 
5.)  Kentucky – No, John Calipari will not be coaching the football team, but he can arrange for an exceptional student to take a standardized test for a 5-Star recruit.  Unless they roll an orange ball onto the field and attach some baskets to the goal posts, nothing good is happening in Lexington until Rupp Arena opens later in the fall. So, check this photograph showing Kentucky’s rich football tradition.

 
6.)  Vanderbilt – The academics of the SEC somehow made a bowl last year.  It could happen this year since there is not much talent separating the couple of programs picked ahead of them.  Also, we believe that the SEC has 13 bowl tie-ins and 12 member institutions, so if Commodores can do their math right, which they can, then they may just make a bowl after all.  Nickson and Adams can pose to be credible threats at QB at times, but Vandy should go back to being the SEC punching bag that they have always been.

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Have you ever gone on a fracation that turned into a fratbatical?  That happened to us again and we’re sorry, but we love to frat hard.  We have decided to do a full preview of one of the BCS conferences before the college football season begins.  Important preseason topics such as most overrated conference team, best coach, coach most likely to get fired midseason, team predicted to have the highest number of arrests, and much more will be discussed.  Because we have students from all over the country, we decided to let you choose the conference we preview.  The poll with close in one week.

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* The August 2009 Fratdaddy/Sorostitute will be selected at the end of the week, so get your entry in immediately *

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In an effort to increase your musical fratitude, your professors have decided to post a fratty song each week for your listening pleasure.  Our first song comes from The Allman Brothers Band, who came in at #2 in our Fratty Bands Countdown last summer.  So, grab a frat water and crank up “In Memory of Elizabeth Reed” at the Fillmore East.

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Books:

Frat – Only GDI’s buy books
GDI – Preordered them months ago

Classes:

Frat – Conflict with Golf Appointments
GDI – Conflict with Tattoo Appointments

Drink:

Frat – Dad gave me two cases when I left home . . . for the drive back to campus
GDI – Mommy gave me two cases . . . of CapriSun when I left home

Food:

Frat – Parents opened an account for frattabbing
GDI – Parents purchased a university meal plan

Housing:

Frat – Frat Castle Room with HDTV and stocked mini-fridge
GDI – Dorm Room with 13″ TV and stocked bookshelf

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Congratulations to Freddy Daniell of Auburn, the winner of the July 2009 Fratdaddy of the Month Award.  In this picture, Freddy is fratting hard at his chapter’s annual crawfish boil.  He is clothed in a short sleeve Columbia PFG fishing shirt, which is typically a great selection for fratty outdoor activities.   He even left some of the top buttons unbuttoned for the fratty, Tom Selleck look.  The Ray Bans and croakies plus the shorts that have an inseam well above the knee add to the already fratastic look.  If you look closely, you will notice a coozie around his Solo cup filled with a liquid adult libation.  It was a subtle move that increased the fratmosphere and kept unwanted condensation off of his drinking hand.  Congratulations again to Freddy Daniell.

To be considered for the Fratdaddy or Sorostitute of the Month Award in August, please see the contest rules posted at this link and this link.

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- The Fratdaddy of the Month for July of 2009 will be posted later today.  Please begin to submit your entries to be considered for the award in August.

- A new Fratty 101 lecture will be posted within the next few days.

- After a failed attempt by many GDI’s to sabotage our monthly poll by voting for Star Wars Characters, Fratmobiles surged back into the lead to win the poll, which closed today.   A Fratty Countdown of Fratmobiles will begin soon.

- If you have any thoughts or ideas for website lectures, contests, or material, please leave a comment under this post.

- Please read the first comment of this post and keep fratting hard!

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Since we are in the summer semester here at the Institute of Fratology, we believe that lecturing on a summertime activity was in order.  This brings us to lesson #8 in your Fratty 301 class, which will examine a night at the baseball park.

A night at the ballpark can be made fratty if properly executed.  A game that starts between 6:00 – 8:00, like most, will provide an optimal opportunity to bridge the gap between dinner and debauchery.  Your trip should not be about peanuts and crackerjacks, but about pregaming/drinking and frat tabbing.  A lot of stadiums, especially the major league ones, have substantial bar and dining areas to frat tab by coating your stomach and adjusting your brain for the morally casual decision making skills necessary for the remainder of the evening.  Simply put, a baseball game is a great locale substitute for a preparty.

Also, you may need to decide whether to attend a major or minor league game.  Preferably, you will be in close proximity, and by that, we mean a reasonable driving distance, to a major league stadium.  If a major league park is not an option, then a minor league ballpark, depending on the amenities, may accomplish the same fratmosphere.  In fact, most minor league parks run promotions that will allow your party to drink the organization into the red before the 7th inning.

Therefore, round up some fratdaddies and call your favorite Plan A’s, because it is time to watch roided up freaks hit dingers while chugging $7 adult libations to start off the night frat.

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* We promise that new, substantive fratty lectures are coming in the near future *

Congratulations to the Barb Wire Tattoo!  We thought that spray tans, muscle shirts, and hair gel were the worst of the worst, but none of those can compare to your extremely high level of douchebaggery.  Whenever a fratdaddy or sorostitute sees a barb wire tattoo in the future, they will know that it is forever inked on the body of a brother or sister of Gamma Delta Iota.  Congratulations again for being the king of douchebaggery and the enemy of all that is frat in the world.

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The championship game ends in 72 hours.  What will forever be enshrined in the GDI Hall of Shame?

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Polls will be open for the next 72 hours.   The championship game will start early next week.

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