With New Year’s Eve just a couple of days away, we believed it to be more than appropriate to lecture you on the fine points of having a fratty night before and after the ball drop. New Year’s Eve is a time to frat a little harder than usual and the following will help you squeeze that little extra out of your frat gland.
LOCATION:
Any heavily populated city would be the most ideal option for a New Year’s Eve celebration. This is true for a few reasons. First, there are many more party options. Next, there are many more transportation options, such as limousine and taxi services. Also, chances are that your university is in a smaller college town and with school not being in session, you have the opportunity to frat harder in a different locale. Finally, it is more than appropriate to intertwine a New Year’s Eve celebration with your school’s bowl game. Most bowl games are in cities that would satisfy our criteria anyway and what could be more fun that celebrating with your our brethren in a foreign city?
TRANSPORTATION:
In a bigger city where fratty spots are more spread out, driving drunktaneous for miles and miles increases your chances of landing behind bars. Trust us, big city jail ain’t like little city jail. Therefore, arranging for a taxi or limousine for the night is the much more pleasant option. The latter option allows for that little bit of extra frat that you do not have during a typical night of going out during the semester. There is nothing like keeping bottles popping, among other things, in the back of a limo as you move from fratty establishment to fratty establishment.
BEFORE THE BALL DROPS:
There are usually a plethora of New Year’s Eve parties to attend. We recommend making an appearance at one of the more upscale parties up until the clock strikes midnight. A more upscale party should have the following amenities: a large entry fee, an open bar, formal attire, live music, and champagne at midnight. Be the life of the party and take full advantage of the open bar. During the ball drop, you should have more trouble counting down from ten than a GDI would have taking off a sorostitute’s bra. Also, the ball drop provides the best excuse in the world to move in on a Plan A. After midnight, it is time to leave the more formal affair and head towards familiar territory.
AFTER THE BALL DROPS:
Take your limo and head to the frattiest bar in the city. If you do not see at least a few other people in formal attire, then you are probably not at the frattiest bar in the city. The rest of the night should follow a typical night out back at school. If all goes well, you will wake up the next morning with a nameless sorostitute in the bed, a headache pounding you like you pounded other things hours earlier, and about five minutes to call in your plays for the Capital One, Gator, and Outback bowls. That concludes our lecture. Have a safe and fratty new year!
Popularity: 51% [?]
Our friends at COAST Pawleys Island have released some new items during the past few months. Your professors have been wearing these articles of fratty clothing for some time, so we wanted to spread our thoughts to you. Today, we will review the COAST fleece pullover and fleece vest.
Allow us to begin with the pullover. We have definitely been impressed thus far. Three colors are available, “navy,” “buoy red,” and “weathered sail.” Your professors wear the latter two. We can see the hate in GDIs’ eyes when they see us. Perhaps our favorite thing about the pullover is the storage pockets. We own some pullovers from other fratty clothing companies that fail in this regard.
As for the vest, it goes great when worn over the Huntington Shirt. The vest is available in the same colors as the pullover and has all of the same fratastic features. With Christmas around the corner, we highly recommend some light frattabbing on a COAST fleece and pullover.
Popularity: 21% [?]
Your professors have casually discussed proper date party planning and etiquette in the past, but after recently witnessing many fratdaddies fail, we have decided to revisit the subject. If you do things the correct way, then you will increase your chances of doing a walk of pride the next morning in addition to increasing your reputation in the community for being an upstanding gentleman (in a few respects). This is the partially incorrect procedure that you professors have recently witnessed:
i.) have a Plan A accept your date request;
ii.) get drunktaneous during pregame at the frat castle;
iii.) order a pledge to pick up your Plan A and take her to the party destination;
iv.) Plan A arrives at party to find your shirt off while you are hitting on a Plan C;
v. ) end up shacking with Plan C or dominant hand.
It should be obvious that this route does not lead to optimal success. If your date is a Plan X monstrostitute, then that is one thing to blow up that situation like she does after eating Taco Bell. But being the exceptional student of Fratology that you are, you will be with a Plan A and you want to roll out the red carpet so to speak. If you have a date party then the best thing to do before the party is . . . you guessed it, frattab and get drunktaneous on an actual date. We are not talking about getting the early bird special at Applebee’s either. We are talking about fine dining at one of the best restaurants in your college town. There are numerous reasons for doing this. It shows that you are a fratty, but yet classy individual. It allows you to simultaneously get drunktaneous and frattab. It shows that you have a knowledge of fine wine. It allows your date to see you before you reach the mental state of braking liquor bottles over pledges’ heads. Primarily, it impresses your date to the point where she want to bypass the party and head straight to your room at the frat castle. Beginning the next day, word will spread that you are a great date to a party. In summary, do not fall into the trap of screwing up your shacking opportunities with top tier sorostitutes by getting too drunktaneous before you see them. Increase those shacking opportunities by simply taking them on a true date.
Popularity: 56% [?]
Recently, we explored some disturbing trends we see on Facebook. Interestingly enough, it seems even the national media, usually a friend to GDI and douchebag alike, is even becoming aware that the epic scope of Facebook douchebaggery threatens to sever our nation from its life sustaining connection to the fratmosphere (the one factor that’s keeping our banks and stock market afloat).
Today, I saw this article from CNN, which discusses inadvisable Facebook profile pictures. I am mostly in agreement with their choices, and they especially made a good call on the alcohol pictures, which are a common indication of the disease known as “trying too hard.”
Popularity: 84% [?]
