Confratulations to Clayton Giddens of Commerce, Texas, the January 2011 Fratdaddy of the Month.  He frats hard in the face of adversity because he “attends a school full of GDI’s.”  Clayton’s hobbies include watching pledges wash his Frathoe and maintaining his fratdrobe.  As you can see from the picture, he knows how to look the part of frat in his COAST fleece vest.  Confrats again to Clayton Giddens.  He will receive a free Winyah polo from COAST (http://www.coastapparel.com/) for winning this prestigious award.

Note:  Due to changed circumstances, future winners of the Fratdaddy/Sorostitute of the Month award will not receive a free winyah polo from Coast.

Morning of Kickoff:

Frat - Call in your side bet, total bet, and 32 prop bets for the big game
GDI - Call in your acne medicines for the big meeting

Two Hours before Kickoff:

Frat - Discuss why the the big game hasn’t been the same since the Bud Bowl stopped
GDI - Discuss why no females have submitted their RSVP for the meeting

During the Game:

Frat - Drunkenly piss away $500 because you bet with a guest that Green Bay/Pittsburgh would score a TD on 4th & 23
GDI - Begin crying because one member stated that William Schatner is a better actor now than when he was on Star Trek

After the Game:

Frat - A fratdaddy begins backing blackjack, more 100+ proof drinks are enjoyed, and the plan becomes an A+
GDI - The Club President says the meeting is adjourned because it is a school night

Confratulations to Cole Frederick of Texas Christian, the December 2010 Fratdaddy of the Month. Frederick’s picture was taken moments before getting on the bus for his fraternity’s Christmas cocktail. He can be seen wearing a fratdaddy staple blazer, fratty necktie, and an old school college cap, showing that he really does not care how he looks, another fratastic quality. As requested, he cropped out the sorostitutes that were accompanying him, but he assures us that they were both without a doubt Plan A’s. Confrats again to our, according to him, “not so humble student,” Cole Frederick. He will be rewarded with a Winyah polo from COAST for winning this prestigious award.

Since over 75% of our award entrants the past two months have been too drunktaneous to remember the rules, we decided to re-post a quick summary of said rules:

1.) Be “friends” with Doug (insert link to FB page) on Facebook.

a.) This is to verify that it is really you.
b.) Therefore, we WILL NOT accept submissions via e-mail or any other mode of communication.
c.) You MAY NOT submit an entry on behalf on another person.

2.) Send Doug a Facebook message.

a.) The message must contain the subject heading “Fratdaddy/Sorostitute of the Month Application.”
b.) Write a one to two paragraph description about why you should win the award.
c.) Enclose of picture showing ONLY YOU at your frattiest. You may have a GDI or pledge use “photoshop” to “crop” any unwanted people out of the picture. Again, make sure that ONLY YOU are in the picture.

3.) Wait for Doug or Eric to send you a reply Facebook message thanking you for applying.

a.) Doug and Eric will send you a message within a few days if your entry conforms to the contest rules.
b.) If you do not receive a message within a few days, then your entry violated at least one of the contest rules or Doug and Eric are in a self-induced coma.

4.) Doug and Eric will select the winner at the end of the month and post an article about the winner the following month. The winner will receive a fratastic Winyah polo from COAST.

LOCATION:

Any heavily populated city would be the most ideal option for a New Year’s Eve celebration. This is true for a few reasons. First, there are many more party options. Next, there are many more transportation options, such as limousine and taxi services. Also, chances are that your university is in a smaller college town and with school not being in session, you have the opportunity to frat harder in a different locale. Finally, it is more than appropriate to intertwine a New Year’s Eve celebration with your school’s bowl game. Most bowl games are in cities that would satisfy our criteria anyway and what could be more fun that celebrating with your our brethren in a foreign city?

TRANSPORTATION:

In a bigger city where fratty spots are more spread out, driving drunktaneous for miles and miles increases your chances of landing behind bars. Trust us, big city jail ain’t like little city jail. Therefore, arranging for a taxi or limousine for the night is the much more pleasant option. The latter option allows for that little bit of extra frat that you do not have during a typical night of going out during the semester. There is nothing like keeping bottles popping, among other things, in the back of a limo as you move from fratty establishment to fratty establishment.

BEFORE THE BALL DROPS:

There are usually a plethora of New Year’s Eve parties to attend. We recommend making an appearance at one of the more upscale parties up until the clock strikes midnight. A more upscale party should have the following amenities: a large entry fee, an open bar, formal attire, live music, and champagne at midnight. Be the life of the party and take full advantage of the open bar. During the ball drop, you should have more trouble counting down from ten than a GDI would have taking off a sorostitute’s bra. Also, the ball drop provides the best excuse in the world to move in on a Plan A. After midnight, it is time to leave the more formal affair and head towards familiar territory.

AFTER THE BALL DROPS:

Take your limo and head to the frattiest bar in the city. If you do not see at least a few other people in formal attire, then you are probably not at the frattiest bar in the city. The rest of the night should follow a typical night out back at school. If all goes well, you will wake up the next morning with a nameless sorostitute in the bed, a headache pounding you like you pounded other things hours earlier, and about five minutes to call in your plays for the Capital One, Gator, and Outback bowls. That concludes our lecture. Have a safe and fratty new year!

Allow us to begin with the pullover. We have definitely been impressed thus far. Three colors are available, “navy,” “buoy red,” and “weathered sail.” Your professors wear the latter two. We can see the hate in GDIs’ eyes when they see us. Perhaps our favorite thing about the pullover is the storage pockets. We own some pullovers from other fratty clothing companies that fail in this regard.

As for the vest, it goes great when worn over the Huntington Shirt. The vest is available in the same colors as the pullover and has all of the same fratastic features. With Christmas around the corner, we highly recommend some light frattabbing on a COAST fleece and pullover.

i.) have a Plan A accept your date request;
ii.) get drunktaneous during pregame at the frat castle;
iii.) order a pledge to pick up your Plan A and take her to the party destination;
iv.) Plan A arrives at party to find your shirt off while you are hitting on a Plan C;
v. ) end up shacking with Plan C or dominant hand.

It should be obvious that this route does not lead to optimal success. If your date is a Plan X monstrostitute, then that is one thing to blow up that situation like she does after eating Taco Bell. But being the exceptional student of Fratology that you are, you will be with a Plan A and you want to roll out the red carpet so to speak. If you have a date party then the best thing to do before the party is . . . you guessed it, frattab and get drunktaneous on an actual date. We are not talking about getting the early bird special at Applebee’s either. We are talking about fine dining at one of the best restaurants in your college town. There are numerous reasons for doing this. It shows that you are a fratty, but yet classy individual. It allows you to simultaneously get drunktaneous and frattab. It shows that you have a knowledge of fine wine. It allows your date to see you before you reach the mental state of braking liquor bottles over pledges’ heads. Primarily, it impresses your date to the point where she want to bypass the party and head straight to your room at the frat castle. Beginning the next day, word will spread that you are a great date to a party. In summary, do not fall into the trap of screwing up your shacking opportunities with top tier sorostitutes by getting too drunktaneous before you see them. Increase those shacking opportunities by simply taking them on a true date.

Today, I saw this article from CNN, which discusses inadvisable Facebook profile pictures.  I am mostly in agreement with their choices, and they especially made a good call on the alcohol pictures, which are a common indication of the disease known as “trying too hard.”

Good bourbon

A pledge when you’re late for an exam

Cold beer on hot days

Warm girls on cold nights

Croakies that float.

Coast Apparel, now giving 20% when you use keyword FRATTY at checkout.

Negative pregnancy tests

Fishing boats

Gameday

Good BBQ

Bad bourbon

Youthful offender status

Striped neckties

Well trained hunting dogs

Not being a douchenozzle

ex.  I have to do something about this psychostitute; she tracked me down to the bars last night, cut the tires on my Frathoe, and then came in the bar, made a scene, and made me spill my Woodford & Water.

Frat – Still asleep due to massive hangover, but wake up for 2 minutes to place wagers on morning games
GDI – Get up early to work the early shift at Arby’s

Afternoon:

Frat – Watch football, drink scotch on the rocks, smoke cigars, tell family stories of fratting hard
GDI – Study for finals

Dinner:

Frat – The turkey you killed with your Frathoe while driving home from the bars
GDI – Spam from Dollar General

Just like mom used to make, before she left home to join a hippie commune

Family at the Table:

Frat – All men have names which end in Roman numerals
GDI – All members have titles which begin with “step”

Nightime:

Frat – Sleep with a sorostitute
GDI – Sleep with a sibling